How do we maintain connection, while remaining physically distant?

At the start of 2019, I wrote a piece on the absurdity of banning handshakes in the workplace. The proposal was well-intentioned, yet ultimately solved none of the underlying beliefs or behaviours associated with harassment, while inflaming an equally serious problem — a loss of connection.

Well, what change a year can bring.

What went from a silly notion has become a reality. Hugs, handshakes and physical contact are out. Masks, sanitiser and physical distancing are in. All undeniably effective techniques to minimise the transmission of COVID-19.

But at what cost?

Being the most introverted of introverts, I’ve fumbled through more ungainly handshakes than is reasonable for any human to endure. I’ve crushed fingers; I’ve clashed thumbs. Each gym I join requires an awkward initiation to the house bro-clasp, a horrific time filled with missed fist bumps and unintentional petit madames. I’ve quite literally fled the house of gains to avoid the mere possibility of a post-workout high five.

But as much as I’d personally be thrilled to farewell this archaic ritual† forever, and even though bowing is far more hygienic and infinitely less prone to awkwardness, I can’t help but worry about the consequences.

The slightest physical contact — a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or even a handshake — can change our physiology in an instant. Human touch floods our brain with oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates social bonding. This is fundamental to our physical and mental wellbeing, as well as our individual and collective performance at work.

Physical contact also lowers cortisol levels, reducing feelings of anxiety and stress. Given the current climate of fear and uncertainty, and with loneliness and social isolation already identified as one of humanity's greatest challenges, the risk posed by the pandemic isn’t only the symptoms of the virus, it’s also the consequences of our response.

So it seems timely to revisit the topic of connection, but look at it through a slightly different lens. This time, rather than arguing why we should be fighting to maintain physical contact, which is unrealistic in the current environment, let’s instead search for ways to mitigate the impact.

Physical distancing not social distancing

Language has incredible power to influence people’s thought and behaviour. It can convey ideas that are very different from what's intended. And this is why one of the most concerning aspects of the pandemic response is using social distancing as a synonym for physical distancing.

These two states are very different.

Just because we need to remain 1.5m away from each other doesn’t mean we need to emotionally or socially distance ourselves from others. An unfortunate side effect of typical COVID-19 messaging is an underlying message that people can kill us.

This makes it essential that in addition to communicating for compliance, we should also ensure these measures don’t adversely impact connection. Handshakes and hugs are off limits. Laughter and conversations are not. We need to drag messaging beyond matter-of-fact and fear-based approaches.

This might mean incorporating humour to trigger dopamine release, easing anxiety and strengthening relationships. It could involve sharing stories that inspire hope and foster commonality. Above all, weaving positive emotions into communication helps offset fear and uncertainty.

Rituals are the glue that holds people together

Pre-pandemic, organisations were already seeing the benefits to designing better employee experiences. This shouldn’t grind to a halt simply because circumstances have changed.

Large gatherings have been cancelled, and in many cases meetings have moved entirely online. The typical experience of work has been completely upturned. But as things slowly settle into a new normal, it’s time to revisit the employee experience.

What are the moments that matter in our new environments? These don’t need to be monumental events like summits or all-ins, they can be daily huddles or informal weekly catch-ups. As the novelty of Zoom calls wears off and enthusiasm wanes, what are the other opportunities to bring people together? Where physical distancing restrictions allow, connecting in-person is more powerful than virtual.

Rituals provide anchors against disconnection and ambiguity. Especially when working remotely, it’s easy to feel alone and adrift — hours and days becoming meaningless. By mapping new touchpoints and re-establishing a rhythm of communication through new channels, we rebuild the foundation for connection.

Communicating purpose is more important than ever

In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, psychologist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl identified meaning and purpose as an essential factor for survival. No matter how horrifying the experience, finding purpose in hardship was crucial to getting through it.

The importance of finding purpose in work is well-proven, yet it becomes paramount during challenging times. Once baselines for health and wellbeing are established, it’s time to move messaging back towards communicating shared purpose. This provides the sense of meaning and normality needed to keep going.

The handshake and other physical contact may be gone for now, by maintaining human connection remains fundamental to people’s performance, health and wellbeing, and experience of work.

† Fun fact: Handshakes are thought to have originated in Greece in the 5th century B.C. (or medieval Europe, depending on which historian you ask) as a wrist clasp to show you weren’t concealing a dagger in your sleeve. Because nothing says “hello” in a less friendly manner than a sneaky blade between the ribs.

THE NECESSARY<BR> YET COSTLY DEMISE <BR> OF THE HANDSHAKE